Long-Distance Relationship May Strengthen Couple's Bond

People idealize far-away partners, feel more intimacy, study found

By Robert Preidt

HealthDay Reporter

(HealthDay News) -- Does distance really make the heart grow fonder? Maybe so: According to a new study, people in long-distance romantic relationships can form stronger bonds than those in normal relationships.

Dating couples in long-distance and normal relationships told researchers about their daily interactions using different methods: face-to-face, phone calls, video chat, texting, instant messaging and email.

For a week, the participants reported to what extent they shared about themselves and experienced intimacy, and how much they they felt their partners did the same thing, for the study in the June issue of the Journal of Communication.

Long-distance couples had greater feelings of intimacy due to two factors: They disclosed more about themselves and they idealized their partners' behaviors, said study authors Crystal Jiang of City University of Hong Kong and Jeffrey Hancock of Cornell University.

Long-distance relationships are increasingly common and people use many kinds of communications technologies to maintain their romantic bonds, a journal news release noted. Recent figures show that 3 million married couples in the United States live apart. Between 25 percent and 50 percent of college students are currently in long-distance relationships and up to 75 percent have had one at some point.

Even so, many people believe that long-distance relationships are challenging.

"Indeed, our culture emphasizes being together physically and frequent face-to-face contact for close relationships, but long-distance relationships clearly stand against all these values. People don't have to be so pessimistic about long-distance romance," Jiang said in a journal news release. "The long-distance couples try harder than geographically close couples in communicating affection and intimacy, and their efforts do pay back."

View the original article here

Urging Your Partner to Diet May Backfire

Response could be unhealthy, such as fasting, taking diet pills or binge eating, study finds

By Kathleen Doheny

HealthDay Reporter

(HealthDay News) -- Urging a partner to diet may seem like a supportive thing to do, but a new study finds it can trigger unhealthy habits such as fasting and taking diet pills -- measures that can then lead to severe eating disorders.

Both women and men tended to react negatively to their partners' well-meaning encouragement, said researcher Marla Eisenberg, an associate professor of adolescent health and medicine at the University of Minnesota.

"Romantic partners provide important feedback about each other's weight," Eisenberg said. "Encouraging a loved one to diet, however, may do more harm than good."

In 2008 and 2009, she surveyed nearly 1,300 young adults in Minnesota, ages 20 to 31 and in relationships.

More than 40 percent of those surveyed had used extreme dieting behaviors in the past year, she found. Binge eating nearly doubled among women whose partners encouraged dieting ''very much'' compared to ''not at all." While about 14 percent of women who were not urged to diet engaged in binge eating, more than 25 percent of those urged to diet ''very much'' did so.

While about 4 percent of men who were not urged to diet by their partner engaged in binge eating, 14 percent of those who experienced constant urging to diet engaged in the behavior, the investigators found.

The study is published in the July/August issue of the American Journal of Health Promotion.

About half of the men and women said their significant other encouraged them to diet either a little, somewhat, or very much. More than 56 percent said their partner dieted to lose weight.

About half of the men and women were normal weight or underweight, 27 percent were overweight and 22 percent were obese, according to the report.

Eisenberg didn't ask the men and women why they resorted to unhealthy behaviors if they were urged to diet, but she has an idea. "We would speculate that suggesting that a partner should lose weight or diet implies that the partner is overweight, unattractive, not sexy anymore, etc., which can be a very painful message to hear," she said.

"Hurtful comments, even if well-intentioned, may contribute to poorer body image and unhealthy eating behaviors," Eisenberg explained.

The findings held for both men and women, she said, but were slightly more pronounced and consistent for women. That men were also affected didn't surprise Eisenberg. "Men have body image issues, too, of course," she added.

Edward Abramson, a clinical psychologist in Chico, Calif., who has written about emotional eating, is not surprised that urging people to diet doesn't lead to healthy behaviors. "Almost 100 percent of the population who is overweight knows it," he said. "They know bacon and donuts have more calories than celery."

View the original article here

6 Signs You're a Bad Lover

By Paula Spencer Scott

WebMD Feature

Even good lovers can fall into bad habits sometimes. These six habits may signal that you're missing out, when you could be blissing out, during sex. Changing them can get your sex life humming again.

It's key to tell your lover what you like or want sexually. But people often ignore an "elephant in the room" -- an unspoken problem, preference, or dislike. The longer you avoid it, the bigger impact it will have.

Why do lovers avoid honesty? "They worry the other person will think they're a freak or will start to cry or feel criticized," says Madeleine M. Castellanos, MD. She is a psychiatrist at the Albert Einstein College of Medicine who specializes in sex therapy.

Fix: "Be open to your lover's suggestions," she says. Listen and respect their ideas instead of getting mad or upset. 

Castellanos suggests checking in every 6 months or so, because sexuality evolves over time. Ask yourselves: Are we happy with our sex life? What should we add to it? Is there a big deal out there we haven't talked about?

That's not you, reaching across the sheets to check your smartphone, is it? A sign of good sex is being totally in the moment -- mind and body.

"It's important to set a scene that's non-interruptive," says Pepper Schwartz, PhD, professor of sociology at the University of Washington.

Fix: "Don't leave your phone on. Don't check email. Don’t send texts. Don't be a mommy who won't lock the door," Schwartz says. If your mind wanders, zero in on how you're being touched or refocus on your breathing.

Is your orgasm your only goal? Do you like to receive oral sex but not give it? (Or vice-versa?)

It's one thing if you and your partner don't need everything in bed to be equal. "Not everyone likes oral sex, for example," Castellanos says. "But if you're not doing something because you can't be bothered or are selfish, that's more problematic."

Fix: It's best to give and to receive. "Sexual pleasure requires balancing selfishness with unselfish giving," she says.

Ready, set: kiss, touch here, stroke there, get in position... 

If your lover can predict your every move, you may both be missing out.

"Couples fall into a script pretty quick. They know what works," says certified sexuality counselor and author Ian Kerner. "Comfort sex," as he calls it, can be great. But a too-steady menu can spell boredom, which makes it hard to get aroused.

Fix: Freshen up your sex menu. Your brain loves new things. "You can get to your usual script eventually, but for the first third of sex play, start with something more exciting," Kerner says. He suggests using sex toys, role playing, talking dirty to each other, or trying new positions.

View the original article here

Sex After a Heart Attack

Our expert weighs in on your top six post-heart attack questions about intimacy.

You've had a heart attack, and suddenly your outlook on sex is very different. You used to relish intimacy and pleasure with your partner. But now it seems like a scary proposition. Could sex trigger another heart attack? Will your sex life ever be the same? Portland cardiologist James Beckerman, MD, answers the most common questions about how sex and heart health are connected.

Q. What worries heart patients when it comes to sex? Are You a Sex Addict?

By Liz Welch   Anna is sitting in a New York café, sipping an English Breakfast tea. Dressed in patterned tights and a black sweaterdress, the 20-something Smith College grad has auburn curls and big brown eyes. Pretty? Yes. Sexy? Sure. Sex addict? No way. But she's currently being treated for sex addiction, seeing a therapist once a week and attending daily support groups, after an affair last year almost ruined her marriage and landed her in sex rehab. "I always knew I focused too much on...

Read the Are You a Sex Addict? article > >

A. After a heart attack, some men and women fear that any type of sexual activity will provoke another one. People feel that if they've had a heart attack, it's not a good idea to stress their bodies with sexual activity. But fewer than 1% of heart attacks come from having sex. It makes sense to think of sex as a form of exercise: If your doctor clears you for physical activity, you're also likely safe for sex.

Q. Do you find patients are embarrassed to ask a doctor about sexual concerns?

A. Yes, and I think doctors are too. But sexual issues are important to discuss. Doctors have to read their patients well. You have to get a sense of their comfort level with you and how willing they are to talk about personal issues. I think when the doctor does bring it up, it shows it's OK to talk about sex. Sometimes the patient is surprised -- or even relieved -- that the doctor raises the subject because it means they don't have to.

Q. Do cardiac rehabilitation programs address sex?

A. They may do that indirectly. When heart patients worry about sexual function, a lot of their concerns are related to confidence and fear. After a heart attack, they feel that if they try to go for a run, they'll drop dead. Cardiac rehab, through structure and supervised exercise programs, teaches people that it's OK for them to exercise, OK for them to exert themselves and get back in the game. I think once they have that confidence, they can go out and use it, whether it's on the treadmill or in the bedroom.

Q. What are some of the warning signs to stop sex right away?

A. Similar to any type of exercise, if you begin to feel symptoms such as chest pain, abnormal shortness of breath, fatigue, dizziness, or palpitations, it definitely makes sense to slow down what you're doing, whether you're a man or a woman. If you're pretty certain it's angina, which is temporary pain or pressure in the chest when the heart doesn't get enough oxygen, it might help to take your nitroglycerin.

The exception to that advice is for men who use medication for erectile dysfunction -- it's dangerous to take nitroglycerin, too. Your blood pressure can fall to dangerously low levels, and there's an increased risk of heart attack and even death. If you're on an erectile dysfunction drug and have heart-related symptoms during sex, call your doctor.

View the original article here

Marriage May Cut Heart Attack Risk for Both Spouses

(HealthDay News) -- Marriage appears to reduce the risk of heart attacks for both men and women, according to researchers in Finland.

Other studies have shown that being single or living alone increases the risk for developing and dying from heart disease. Many of these studies, however, were only among men, the researchers said, while this new study includes both sexes.

"Our study suggests that marriage reduces the risk of acute coronary events and death due to acute coronary events in both men and women and at all ages," said lead researcher Dr. Aino Lammintausta, of Turku University Hospital.

"Furthermore, especially among middle-aged men and women, being married and cohabiting are associated with considerably better prognosis of incident acute coronary events both before hospitalization and after reaching the hospital alive," she said.

The report was published Jan. 31 in the European Journal of Preventive Cardiology.

For the study, Lammintausta's team collected data on more than 15,300 people who suffered heart attacks between 1993 and 2002. Among these people, about 7,700 died within 28 days of their attack.

Looking at the role marriage might play in the likelihood of having a heart attack, the researchers found that unmarried men were 58 percent to 66 percent more likely to have a heart attack, as were 60 percent to 65 percent of single women, compared to members of married couples.

The gap in risk of dying from a heart attack was even greater for single men and women, the researchers said. For single men, the risk of dying within 28 days of a heart attack was 60 percent to 168 percent higher than for married men; for single women, the risk of death due to heart attack was 71 percent to 175 percent higher than for married women.

The odds of dying from a heart attack were increased for unmarried men and women regardless of age, compared with similar-aged married couples, the researchers noted.

Why marriage might have this effect isn't clear. The researchers, however, suggest several possible reasons.

Single people may be more likely to be in poor health, they said. Married people may be better off financially, live healthier lives and have more friends and social support, all of which promotes health. Married people also may be more likely to call an ambulance sooner than single people, the researchers said.

In addition, married couples get better treatment in the hospital and after discharge, the researchers noted.

On the other hand, the researchers suggested, single people may be less likely to follow measures that might help prevent heart attacks -- such as taking daily aspirin, cholesterol-lowering statins and medications to control high blood pressure.

"For better or worse, marriage is associated with better cardiovascular health and a lower risk of death due to an acute coronary event," said Dr. Gregg Fonarow, a professor of cardiology at the University of California, Los Angeles.

The reasons marriage or cohabitation may protect people from heart attacks requires further study, he added. Further research is also needed to establish a cause-and-effect relationship between marital status and heart attack incidence and survival.

More information

To learn more about heart attacks, visit the American Heart Association.

View the original article here

When a Kiss Is More Than Just a Kiss

Study suggests it may help you size up potential long-term mates

By Robert Preidt

HealthDay Reporter

(HealthDay News) -- "A kiss is just kiss," the old song goes, but not according to a new study that finds kissing helps people assess potential partners and, once in a relationship, keep them around.

The study included more than 900 adults who took part in an online questionnaire that asked about the importance of kissing in both short- and long-term relationships. In general, women rated kissing as more important in relationships than men.

Kissing was also rated more important by men and women who viewed themselves as being attractive, or who tended to have more short-term relationships and casual encounters, according to the findings, which appeared Oct. 11 in the journals Archives of Sexual Behavior and Human Nature.

Previous studies have shown that women tend to be more selective when initially choosing a partner, as do men and women who are more attractive or have more casual sex partners.

Since these are the same groups that tended to value kissing more in their survey responses, it suggests that kissing helps in sizing up potential mates, the Oxford University researchers said.

They noted that it has been suggested that kissing may allow people to subconsciously assess a potential partner through taste or smell, thus taking in biological cues for compatibility, genetic fitness or general health.

Previous research also has found that women place greater value on behaviors that strengthen long-term relationships. This survey found that the importance of kissing changed depending on whether people were in a short- or long-term relationship, and that women rated kissing as more important in long-term relationships.

This suggests that kissing also plays an important role in maintaining affection and attachment among established couples, the researchers said.

"Kissing in human sexual relationships is incredibly prevalent in various forms across just about every society and culture. Kissing is seen in our closest primate relatives -- chimps and bonobos -- but it is much less intense and less commonly used," study author Rafael Wlodarski said in a news release from the journals.

"So here's a human courtship behavior which is incredibly widespread and common and, in extent, is quite unique," Wlodarski said. "And we are still not exactly sure why it is so widespread or what purpose it serves."

These new findings may provide some answers.

View the original article here

Marriages Forged on the Internet May Last Longer

Study found couples who met online were slightly more likely to stay together

By Randy Dotinga

HealthDay Reporter

MONDAY, June 3 (HealthDay News) -- If you're looking for the perfect mate, a new study suggests you might be on the right track if you turn to the Internet: Married couples who met online were slightly more likely to be happy and stay together than those who ran into each other the old-fashioned way.

The difference was small, although the number of people who met online was big, and researchers who study marriage say the study has some weaknesses. Still, lead author John Cacioppo, of the University of Chicago, said it should give comfort to anyone who fears that meeting online isn't the best way to begin a romantic relationship.

"I hope this encourages people to feel authentic and not odd if they feel so busy that they're going online to meet people," said Cacioppo, director of the university's Center for Cognitive and Social Neuroscience. "It's a new environment and a new world, and it's not one we should be afraid of."

In the new study, eHarmony, an online dating service, commissioned Harris Interactive to conduct an online survey of more than 19,000 people in the United States who were married to members of the opposite sex between 2005 and 2012. Independent statisticians verified the results of the survey.

Since the marriages were so recent, the rates of divorce (5 percent) and separation (2.5 percent) were low.

The researchers found that more than a third of those surveyed met their spouses online. Of those, 45 percent met through dating sites, while 21 percent met through social networks like Facebook.

Those who met offline were more likely to be very old, very young and not wealthy; they also were most likely to meet each other at work (22 percent), through friends (19 percent) or at school (11 percent).

The researchers found that 7.6 percent of those who met offline had gotten divorced, compared to 5.9 percent of those who met online. This difference held up even when researchers adjusted their statistics to account for high or low numbers of people who shared similarities like age or income.

The study also found that those who met online were slightly happier in their marriages. Their spouses, however, didn't get a say in the survey, and the study doesn't provide a layperson-friendly way to understand the differences in how happy the marriages seemed to be.

Why might marriages that had their start online be happier and more stable? One possibility is that they're more focused on finding relationships "rather than falling into a relationship with someone they met through a friend or at work," said Elizabeth Schoenfeld, a graduate student at the University of Texas who studies human behavior. "It is possible that this initial motivation to secure a relationship partner may translate into a later motivation to stay in the relationship."

Markie Blumer, an assistant professor at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas, who studies marriage, said the study is "pretty solid," although it has some flaws.

For one, she said, it's an online survey that would naturally include people who are especially Internet-savvy. For another, it ignores same-sex couples, which are even more likely to meet online, she said.

Future research, Blumer suggested, should take a closer look at how relationships evolve with or without technology. It's possible, for example, that some people meet online but then develop their romance in person.

The study appears in this week's online issue of the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.

View the original article here

Relationship Worries Can Make You Sick

By Kathleen Doheny

HealthDay Reporter

(HealthDay News) -- Feeling insecure and frequently anxious about your romantic relationship can actually harm your health, new research contends.

The feelings may boost levels of a stress hormone and lower your immune system, according to Ohio State researchers.

In their study, married couples who were often anxious about their relationship -- wondering if their partner truly loved them, for example -- had higher levels of the stress hormone cortisol, and lower levels of T-cells, which are important in the immune system to fight off infections, lead author Lisa Jaremka said.

"These concerns about rejection and whether or not you are truly cared for do have physiological consequences that could, in the long-term, negatively affect health," said Jaremka, a postdoctoral fellow at Ohio State University's Institute for Behavioral Medicine Research.

The study was recently published online and will appear in an upcoming print issue of Psychological Science.

Jaremka said she was not describing the normal now-and-then concerns about a relationship. "Everybody has these thoughts and feelings sometimes," she said. "They are a natural part of being in a relationship."

But for the highly anxious, she added, "it's a chronic thing."

Jaremka studied 85 couples, all married for an average of more than 12 years. Most were white. Their average age was 39. All the partners reported their general anxiety levels and symptoms, and answered questions about their marriage and about their sleep quality.

The couples were generally healthy. Those with wives who were expecting a baby, or who drank excess alcohol or caffeine or had health problems affecting the immune system were all excluded.

The couples provided saliva samples over three days and blood samples twice. From these, the research team measured levels of cortisol and T-cells.

Participants with higher levels of anxiety about the marriage produced about 11 percent more cortisol than those with lower anxiety levels. Spouses with higher anxiety levels had between 11 percent and 22 percent lower levels of T cells than those with less anxiety.

Jaremka said the two findings are likely linked, because cortisol can hamper production of T-cells.

The study found a link or association between relationship anxiety and the body's stress and immune response, but cannot prove cause and effect.

While the study did not track whether the highly anxious partners got sick more often, the link is reasonable, Jaremka said, based on other research about the ill effects of chronically high stress hormone levels.

"A lot of the negative consequences of high cortisol are beyond the common flu," she said. Rather, she added, high level have been linked to heart problems, sleep problems, depression and other conditions.

Another expert who also studies attachment styles said the link between attachment anxiety and stress is not new, but the link to immune system function is newer. And it is "not that surprising," said Jeni Burnette, an assistant professor of psychology at the University of Richmond, in Virginia.

View the original article here

sex in the golden years

Getting older can bring new sexual challenges -- as well as new pleasures.

During the last two decades, several studies have left little doubt that seniors have sex well into their 60s, 70s, and beyond. But what quantitative studies don't always show is what senior sex is like -- including its pleasures and problems.

Take the case of a couple I counseled recently. Both were in their 70s, and both were worried about their sex life. The problem? The wife wanted to have sex more often than the husband. As a result, she feared that her spouse no longer found her attractive, and he felt bad about his low libido as well as his short-lived erections and inability to satisfy his wife’s desires.

Such physical and psychological problems in relation to sex are not all that unusual among seniors.

Certain medications, such as those used to treat high blood pressure and depression, can reduce libido. So, too, can declining levels of testosterone in both men and women. Nerve damage caused by diabetes and other conditions can impair a man’s ability to get and sustain an erection. And low levels of estrogen can thin and dry a woman’s vaginal tissues, making intercourse uncomfortable.

On the emotional front, long-simmering relationship difficulties may dampen desire, as can shame about an aging body. And either partner can suffer a dramatic blow to his or her sex life if the other partner is incapacitated by illness or injury.

Many problems that affect senior sexuality can be treated. But studies show most seniors don’t talk about sex with their doctors, perhaps because they were raised to believe such talk is taboo.

It’s important to get help if you need it, however. Regular sex keeps circulation flowing to the genitals (which in itself boosts pleasure). It also helps couples survive the ups and downs of long-term relationships.

In the case of the elderly couple I counseled, the man saw a doctor, who gave him testosterone supplements to increase his libido. I also coached the couple on ways to enjoy sex without intercourse, including oral sex and other forms of foreplay, so the man could free himself of some of his performance anxiety.

Last I heard, my septuagenarian patients were sexually happy and healthy -- and enjoying new modes of intimacy.

Ask your doctor if your problem has a medical cause -- and a solution.

Use lubricant to help with vaginal dryness.

Experiment with masturbation to satisfy unfulfilled desire.

Kick things off with foreplay. Older men need more touching to get an erection, and older women need more touching to get lubricated.

View the original article here